The Spelling Bee

Last night i had the honor of being the “pronouncer and definer” for 3rd- and 4th-grade students in the Newburgh Enlarged City School District, and it reminded me of an incident that occurred when i was interviewing for my very first job — as a reporter for the then-great Times Herald-Record daily newspaper in Middletown, N.Y. — after getting my master’s degree in journalism.

The editor, reviewing my resume as i nervously sat across from him at his huge desk, said, “You say you’re a good speller. Is that true?”

I had no daily-paper experience, but indeed i was an excellent speller. So i replied with a big, hopeful smile and maybe a bit too much enthusiasm, “Yes! I’m a GREAT speller!”

He (Al Romm, may he rest in peace) narrowed his eyes, looked me up and down and slowly growled in the most cynical way you could ever imagine: “DIARRHEA!”

I was equally stupid, outraged and desperate. I thought “diarrhea” was this elderly white man ’s polite way of saying “bulllshit!” So i spread my arms wide and exclaimed withh passion, “NO! I really AM a great speller!”

Another editor (Glen Doty, may he rest in peace) was in the room with us. He chuckled and said softly, “No, he meant, SPELL diarrhea.”

“Oh,” i said. “OH! D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A!”

How often a general-assignment reporter would need to write the word, “diarrhea,” was a mystery that has remained with me to this day. But he hired me on the spot, and that was the start of my very checkered career.

This cartoon, i think from the new yorker, has graced my office wall for, oh, some 20 years or so.